Like a taking in a breath, fresh life filled my being this morning. I heard verbalized, for the first time, what I had been wrestling with for quite a while now. Tackling the difficulty of walking through life embracing the very breath in my lungs and the reality of being fully alive in Christ while keeping separate the traumatic circumstances of life.
We all have a story of how difficult this life is. All in this world is broken. Brokenness and sin cause pain. Every one of us can sit and recount injustices, wrongs done to us, and sins we have committed. To repent, grieve, and/or release so that we can be free to live, love and be used as instruments to further the truth of God’s grace and redemption is what we need to do.
As Dave and I look back and reflect in the events that occurred over a number of years culminating in the end of our original families, it is incredibly difficult not to relive the pain of all that happened. You hear a song, a movie, it can take you back in time to those aching gut wrenching moments. The difficulty is realizing that those moments in themselves are not you, they don’t define you, those experiences don’t even define your life. My joy does not depend on what other people are doing, or what is happening, or what has happened around me. I can stand in the knowledge that my joy is dependant on the fact that God is Sovereign and loves me unconditionally.
When I imagine not allowing the circumstances of life to infiltrate my being, life becomes a lot lighter. His yoke is easy and His burden is light. Embracing my life in Christ and seeing each circumstance as a test, an opportunity to learn, love and grow deeper into Christ and Who He is, causes me to pause in the circumstance and actually learn to embrace it. The chance arises in our circumstances to cultivate a deeper faith, and refinement that draws us closer to who He created us to be.
Walking the road of divorce and recovering from it is one that you can’t possibly understand fully until you have traveled it personally. Dave and I have tangled with the bear of forgiveness. At times, it seems that forgiveness will be continual in this process, as there are always issues arising.
Step family living is a road all its own. Sometimes I look around my home and I see a hospital filled with hurting people - our children, the most wounded victims. Relating is one of the most difficult aspects in forming a new family. The circumstances that surround this struggle are unending.
I think somewhere I thought that we would be a separate entity from the previous families. In reality, the ex’s become extended family. No matter how hard you try, they don’t just disappear. Their life, their choices, what happens in their home affects yours. They just keep showing up like a pain in the rear-end relative that ruins the Thanksgiving dinner.
Being the “relational pack mule”, I tend to want to fix all of the imperfections in the relationships in the home. It is difficult to release the control of how others relate. Rejection from a stepchild that you are only trying desperately to love is awful. Only God can give understanding and eyes to be able to see what really they are truly wrestling with. Only God can enable and strengthen us to love unconditionally and freely in a painful situation where you receive nothing in return.
These issues birth, what seems to be, a relentless flood of difficult circumstances. Not taking this into your person is vital. Seeing it as just another situation to “ride out” frees you to love.
It all goes back to finding life in Christ alone. Clinging to the truth that our significance and security comes from and through our Lord Jesus Christ is crucial.
Our circumstances, like our shadows are ever changing and fleeting. Who we are in Christ, the security of our salvation, this is sure. His character is impeccable and unchanging. He is faithful in all things, even while the storms of life are treacherous and unpredictable.
On Christ we can fully depend. This is joy. This is truth. This is life. This is strength. This is freedom.
Please feel free to share your responses!
Take a moment…
- What helps you to remember where your security and significance truly lie?
- What best explains the process you use to keep separate the core of who you are and surrounding circumstances?
- How can we best teach this to our children?
- How does this apply this to our marriage and family?
