Jacob
laid his head on a stone pillow in a desolate land, escaping his enraged
brother. Hearing God’s promises his
words were these, “Surely the Lord is in this place, and I was not aware of
it.”
He is in
the places where we often feel like He is absent and we are left alone.
Abraham
Longing for a son… Surely the Lord is in this place of barrenness…God delivers.
Abraham
about to sacrifice his son… Surely the Lord is in this place of barrenness… God
delivers.
Mary
about to have her first child, spoken and gossiped about in hushed tones by the
on looking neighbors…. Surely our God was in this place of barrenness… God
SURELY Delivered!
The ache
of feeling displaced and like you don’t belong, memories of holidays past left
broken and empty…
Surely
the Lord is in this place of barrenness… and He will Deliver.
Tears
flood my heart as I think of those days of feeling like I was a visitor in my
own home, a stranger sitting on the fringe of someone else’s memories.
“Remember
when we…” my mind drifted off as they conversed happily about memories and
moments that didn’t include me.
It
happened a lot. Pictures, recollections,
laughter and smiles… I politely listened until one day my husband mentioned to
his children..
“Remember
that time…” Before he got another word out, I gently said… “No, I don’t”
It took
him some time to figure it out, but we try now to recall the memories we are
making together. Not that we forbid the
kids to recall their childhood, we just try to point them to places where
everyone was included so no one feels left out on either side.
Absent
children, holiday traditions that perhaps have been carried out by an original
family for decades suddenly fade into a dream like state, and we’re left to
wonder if those things ever existed.
The ache and
loneliness of the new reality is not that different from laying your head on a
stone pillow in a desolate land.
The
bitter cold bit into my cheeks as I walked alone down the row of houses lit
with Christmas lights. Through the
windows I could see families together, making their memories- everyone seemed
to belong. It was as if I could hear my
heart breaking like thin ice underfoot.
I missed
feeling like a real family. I missed the
day where there were no others invading our space either in a physical sense or
plaguing memories. No shared children. Our traditions were our traditions and we had
formed them over years of togetherness.
I felt
displaced and separated from everything I had ever known.
I
wondered if there would ever be a time when I would feel this intimate
togetherness again… I would, but it
still would never be like those years when we existed as an original family
with no invaders.
This is a
process of grieving. But I promise you God
is a restorer… He never seems to restore in the ways we would see or maybe even
like, but it becomes better for us in the end, if we just trust Him.
Remember to be
sensitive to each other. Gather traditions
that you enjoyed from your previous families change them up a bit, this can
help the kids feel like not all has been lost as well… reclaim those traditions
for your new family..
Create new
traditions-
maybe there are traditions that your children’s friends do that they would like
to try- make them yours! Have
a family meeting to discuss what kinds of things you would like to include
in your new family as far as holiday traditions go. Maybe it’s going to the tree lighting and
having dinner in town. Attending the
Nutcracker every year, or perhaps serving in a local shelter. Maybe the kids have always wanted to hunt
down and cut down their own tree.
This
gives everyone a place to belong, a place to be a part of something bigger than
the mourning of what has been lost. It
provides a place for reclaiming holidays for something new and exciting where
no one is left out. A place where our
God surely is… a place of healing for the broken family.
Holidays
are difficult for the newly divorced, and the blended family. Over the next few blogs, I am hoping to
address some of the common issues of the situations that we find ourselves in as
we live in Step-ville.
